oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
