In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize