Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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