I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
