If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
