I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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