Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
