hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
