I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
