So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He did a backflip because drugs
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