Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
