I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
