This is not my ceiling
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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