half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
