well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
