I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize