NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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