I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
