Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
