Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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