Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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