Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
