i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
