You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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