ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
