If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's official drugs can't kill me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize