And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
