Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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