True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
