Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
