Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
