Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
