Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
