You're my little dorito
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
