mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
