um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
birth control should be required to get into college
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
