is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
