she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
