i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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