Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
