When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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