evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
