my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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