Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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