I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
