I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
