I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
