I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
