Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
