ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
