As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
