Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
