i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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