turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
