Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
