I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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