Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
