i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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