Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
