I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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