Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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