sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
