if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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