If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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