I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
