Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
