none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
lol hangovers are for mortals.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
