Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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