You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
