Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
