When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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