Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
