she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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