unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
