drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
