Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
