We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
