I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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