i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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