im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this beer tastes like vomit already
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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