Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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