I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
