It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
