What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
