soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
