i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
