I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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