ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
