I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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