the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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