I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
