he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
