Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
