I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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