Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
