i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
