my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
