I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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