im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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