Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
