They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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