I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
