I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
